So I was watching a stream the other day and this conversation came up. I stumbled to find an appropriate answer and just explained why I didn’t really have an answer instead. Just so inefficient of me. I thought to write it here incase anyone else was wondering :).
So in the world so far, I’ve found generally there is two types of school systems. University (College) / Technical College (Gymnasium for you Germans) is excluded from this example, as that is not traditional schooling and optional. This conversation is about required school. So there are two systems; some countries use two base secondary schools, and some countries use three. China and America use three, a Primary (5-11), Middle (12-15), and then High School (16-18). Whereas countries like Australia and Britain use a Primary (5-11) and Secondary (12-18) school system. Those ages are approximate, as each person is slightly different also. So I was suprised when I went to China and one of my students was pointing her school out to me and trying to relate to me it was “middle school”, I had only a rough idea what that was and pestered her with questions about it :P.
So why i described the above was to explain the following;
When i was in Primary school, I gamed “a lot”. My brother and I had a sega, then sega-megadrive (we got the disc thing on the side installed like gangsters :3 lol). We had mortal kombat in disc, and it also came with some scary game that freaked us both out and made us cry, lol. All i remember was it had lots of doors, and was too scary. Lol. Picture of us getting the mega-drive.
We had a huge collection of Sega games over the years, I had some super fond memories of a lot of them. My brother still owns a lot in the collection and hasn’t sold them (though some he has). Pictures of some of the sega games, looking back through the collection after I had rejoined gaming and was housesitting at my mums. Only took pictures of the ones I remembered, some of course my brother only played, or as its been a long time, I don’t really remember. Unfortunately The Lion King game is gone, I still remember crawling through some stuff in the level. Great memories of that game. Example of it being played by someone here: video. So much frustration in that game, I loved it. Later we had rows and rows of Nintendo games… a lot also of course sold by now also. My brother kept his favourites 🙂 and sold some of the ones he thought he would never “replay” I’d suppose. Pictures of some I remembered playing.
So, why was the school part relevant you ask. Well… I was a few years older than my brother (2.5 or something, 3 years by number) so I went to High School (secondary school) about the age of 11-12. Whilst he was still at Primary school, and continued on the same way he had been. Whilst I had to make entirely new friends, as our house was on the border of the cut off point for two Public high schools. Actually, I had 5 good female friends, and all of us ended up at different High Schools funnily enough. The friend I kept in touch with for another 10-15 years ended up at the opposite public school, and the other three went to scattered private schools over the larger area. Was an interesting development. Specifically though, most of the people in my grade at primary school went to my other close friends High School as that was the traditional linked school. I on the other hand, with the new house we had moved to, was on the border of the “richer suburb” so was given that as my public school of enrolment choice. There was only about 6 kids in the entire year that had come from my primary school. Was interesting how it worked out. I wasn’t too concerned, as I meet friends easily. To be really totally fair, I was excited. We went to their open day, and I saw a bunch of year 10 (16 year old) goths walking around and nearly creamed my pants and demanded my mum let me go there with the cool kids so… lol. My mum will recount that I was just overall impressed with lots of things. I did inevitably enjoy the school a lot. Had my ups and downs with some teachers, and my own personal life, but I am glad I went to the school. For my first 4 years we had a principle that was “unique” and did things differently than most others in Australia I believe and that worked much better for me. In the latter two years we got a different principle who made the school more traditional, as the former retired I gather. Which I didn’t like as much. But so at the time, the school was wonderful for me.
Why does this have anything to do with gaming?
Imagine… young girl. New set of friends. Puberty. Kappa.
Whilst you can argue I was pretty a-sexual growing up. I remember sitting with a bunch of girls (whom i didnt usually hang with), at like 10 and they asked me “what guy I liked”. I roughly remember the severe shock I felt, and trying to make up any dudes name to fit in. As an example, I didn’t really have a “guy I liked”. I didn’t think of guys that way, they were my friends whom I played football with and stuff. That general theme continued on till I was about 14. I always had a co-ed group of friends. Mixed sexes. Even now, mostly, I don’t notice a dude “in that way”. I just dont care. Unless of course he sets off my, “bang alert”. Which is less to do with actually liking someone, and more to do with realising that person doesn’t need anything but a slight push and we would be fucking in an alleyway. As an example, I once had sex with an international guy at my university at night in the bathrooms. No words, just an understanding we would be fucking. Just walked from the computer labs into the girls bathrooms :shrugs:. It’s not something a lot of people understand… and its difficult for me to relate when someone says they struggle to find someone to have sex with and etc… as I have trouble “avoiding it”. I’m the total opposite, but yea. That kind of thing happens to me sometimes. I dont really have a word for it.. bang alert, is an approximation I guess though.
So when I got to 14, and even though I’d had what could only be described as “fake bfs” before. Lol. Like when a guy asks you out as a girl, and you say yes to be nice or cause they are your mate, but nothing changes really. They are your “bf”. I dunno, I had a bf who used to flick elastic bands into lights in the library. A bf that ended up gay (he was fucking awesome btw), etc. I think I kissed the elastic bands guy, I dont think I did that with the gay one… etc. Either way, you get what I mean. They were my bfs, and I count them as such, but yea, I mean someone whom you were with for a long time and whom you had developmental experiences with, in the difference between my former and this partner I’m going to talk about.
At 14, I had a bf for two years. Lost virginity, etc etc etc. But so, whilst I had friends who gamed somewhat, and could have gone down that path. Brother who still gamed, etc. I didn’t. I went down the, “boys” path. After pubity. And then later into goths, then after school drugs, more boys, then moving around “a lot” [from 8 onwards is pretty much me moving around myself, jumping between share houses] and meeting all different kinds of peoples. I moved hours away from my home, jumped different kinds of jobs, made my own websites and worked 14 hours a day on them for people. I tried to cut out everyone I knew from my life before, semi-research on myself, semi-preparing everyone for me moving overseas (that I had decided at some point I was going to do). I didn’t want to settle down quite yet. I didn’t really trust guys, and I didn’t want to have to force some poor cunt to move overseas with me when that wasn’t what he wanted. I didn’t want to risk being forced to stay in my own country for “love”, when I knew I should move and do what I wanted. Didn’t really care where I went… just wanted… somewhere. Australia is a fine place, its like everywhere else I travel to, its like China, like the UK, like Germany. Walking around in Manchester, UK, felt exactly like walking around in Western Sydney. Same international stores, same vibe, just different accents, :shrugs:. My point is, I was just “trying things”, whilst I couldn’t leave. I didn’t feel my family would handle me leaving at that time. But when I was about to turn 30, I immediately flew the coop. Figured I was old enough now that they couldn’t bank on claiming they “needed me” or that I wasn’t ready to make a choice, etc. So moved to China teaching English, then later to Germany where I now reside.
The point with gaming here, was that during this time. from 11-14, was when I started to “wean” myself off gaming. Some of the points described in this video, I feel are relevant here. I did kind of “feel that”. And it is approximately that time I stopped gaming also, so I fit into the category. Ie, if you watch it, when he talks about marketing changes in the Western gaming industry. I was a part of that, and I remember those conkers bad fur day ads (my brother had the game) and etc. For a similarly historical video, if you want to watch this video, which is a great historical rendering. I think she cites the first ever Western girls horse game on PC, which i had. I am so proud :), i remember brushing my pony, and doing the show jumps, lol. [I fucking hated dressage, lol, I also suck at it irl and was good at jumping, hehehehe]. But yea, I had quite a few computer games at the time. We had a ‘family electrician friend’ if you want to use that term. Who gave us some mini-game PC disks, with some cool games on it.
My uncle used to be employed in the IT field, so I have fond memories of being like 8 years old and walking around in Parramatta (local big suburb) and standing at an intersection with my uncle, dad and brother after buying our first stick of RAM together :). I grew up with basic computer understanding. I could take my computer apart and clean it in my teens no issue. Our first PC was black screen with green writing, and huge big square floppy discs. We got a lot of benefits because my uncle knew about computers (uncle is my dads non-identical twin, whom never married), so he would help us build computers and help take care of them. I grew up typing stories on my PC for hours after school. Never trusted floppy disks after I lost one of my first stories cause the disk corrupted. I was so fucking upset, still remember what it looked like, lol. I remember had a pale rainbow keyboard then :3. We used to go to my uncles house sometimes and play Duke Nukem and such. We had Jazzy Jack Rabbit (fucking watching a bit of that gave me intense nostalgia). But anyway, so I had a very gaming filled childhood. My mother even used to join in and loved Shinobi on sega. To be totally fair, I feel my mum was a good push for us with gaming. She never really stood in the way and I feel she was supportive of it. Lol, she never forgets Sinobi but, and is always hesitant to play a game herself now and says, “you remember how addicted I was to shinobi”. Hehehe, I think she must have stayed up late too many times before work the next day XD. Pretty funny.
But yea so, when I got to High School, i diverged from gaming quite a bit. World of Warcraft came out when I was about 16, and whilst I know my brother picked it up not long after that (whilst I was still living at home, so at some point over the next two years), I was drinking with my friends, and working 3(+) days a week (after school and weekends) by then and I had long separated myself.
Funny story, it was actually pokemon that got me back into gaming. I decided to go back and buy some of the games I had “missed”. Bought a second hand 3DS off gumtree, and bought pokemon Black i think (so i technically missed.. 2 or 3 generations I think, I stopped at Silver. I had silver and blue, and brother had red, gold and yellow), could have been Black 2 I bought but anyway. So, played one or two pokemon games and then around that time I happened to be hanging out with a group of people who played Warcraft. A housemate whom I had been friends with at school, had a younger brother, whom also lived with us. I started hanging out with this brother, and his social circle for a while. They played Warcraft, and so decided to give it a shot. As I was studying from home, and thought a “time sink” game would be good for me. As I, “had the time”, to put into it. So the group played alliance, lol. After about six months, I decided to test out the opposite faction and fell in love with Orgimmar :3. Of course im an edgelord, my favourite colour is red, I was bound to like the faction. Anyway, later of course, other people from my extended social circle (as i started posting screenshots on social media) were in uproar about me being a scummy alliance, lol. I never imposed and asked my brother what he had played, but at xmas a few years later it came up and he told me he was horde. Made me laugh. So… I started at the end of WoD, then played through legion, and quit a bit into BFA. So i played about 4 years I guess. But continuing on….
From then on I have further branched into gaming, and built my own PC (three times now, upgrading it bit by bit, three total new shells is what I mean and mostly totally new parts).
Style of Game:
List of games I’ve streamed: here.
So far (just some examples);
Games I have liked:
Bear With Me, Beyond Good and Evil, Dead Space, Half-Life 1, Life is Strange (particularly Before The Storm), Ori and the Blind Forest, the Penumbra Series (particularly Requiem), Soma, and The Cat Lady.
Games I haven’t Liked:
Bioshock, Deponia, Conarium, Limbo, South Park Stick of Truth, and Sumeru.
Conclusion in my “style of game” so far:
I don’t really like hardcore puzzle games. A little bit of puzzle is fine, but hardcore puzzles are not my thing in games. This is because I am extremely logical, I think. I try and think inside the square to the smallest details, and in games like Deponia the answer is WAAAAYYYY outside of it, lol. I’m more like a detective, I have to make logical assumptions then try all the hypothesis.
I don’t like games “just” for their genre. Limbo, Bioshock, and Conarium, were games I thought I would like because I like noir and psychological thriller as a genre. I liked the art style, and the general theme of their lore. But I reason that this will not “save’ a game, if there are other facets I dislike.
What I learnt from games like Sumeru and South Park Stick of Truth is that… likeness to something outside of a game does not =/= a good game. Sumeru noted it was based on Sumerian culture, I of course, pedistooled it and pictured it totally different. It had about 0 sumerian lore in it, lol. South Park, whilst I love the franchise irl, was definitly not the kind of game for me. It was playable, but I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it. Not made for me, yeah.
My main games so far have been;
World of Warcraft, Warframe and Final Fantasy 14 Online (FFXIV).
In warcraft, my main classes (though I had them all) were;
- Guardian Druid (tanking, i liked being a bear),
- Feral Druid. I liked utility playstyle, dots and availability for stealth. Mostly pvp’d as feral, I am builtd for “speed running” things, like I have high environmental awareness, can pre-think other players and avoid things. Can capture all 3 flags without being seen, just managing the playfield kind of thing. I am great at avoiding people irl also Kappa. I like popping out of feral, casting something from feral affinity and topping everyone up then going back to “seriously pissing off the enemy healers”. I like putting on heat and being annoying. I love interrupting :3.
- Elemental Shaman. I liked the dot and burst playstyle, its somewhat similar to what I’ve found with Thaumaturge in FFXIV so far, the “flame shock + lava burst” playstyle (yet is very warlocky with its Life Tap too ofc, its still a magic caster mage thing but yea anyway). I like the building and spending of Earth Shock and I like lightning :). Similar to Guardian druid, and warrior, and shaman here is that I like “builders and spenders” rather than “spenders” playstyle. Ie, i struggle with classes that just have mana management. I am better with a class that “builds” resources. Maelstrom for ele fit that for me. I of course loved the aesthetics also.
In Warframe, my main classes (though I havent collected them all yet) are;
- Nezha (speed tank, nice shield, u put a dot on the floor which gives a momentary CC to mobs, fast as fuck),
- Saryn (unholy death knight spore playstyle, high output AoE class),
- Hydroid (hentai heaven, tenticle buddy, also augments for purges and offheals, my farming boi).
In FFXIV, I have just started;
- I chose a Thaumaturge (black mage), even though I never really got a good connection with mage in WoW, but liked warlock so… will see how Red Mage goes also.
- I also suppose I’ll like Summoner (from what I’ve played of it so far and from what I’ve read and seen) as they are pretty much a Shaman. Probably like dancer too when it comes out.
- Hopefully also Rogue (ninja) will sit well with me in this game, I felt in warcraft the community was a bit too heavy handed for it so stuck with feral in pvp. Ie, rogue was a good dps #original class in the start of the game, and its roots go pretty heavily with how the playerbase feels about them. Ie, its a competitive raid slot. But deep down, rogue is my love in a variety of games :).
- Not sure which tank I will go in this game. Whether warrior, paladin, dark knight or gunbreaker. No idea.
- This game is different in warcraft in the respect that you can be all the classes on your main. You have 1 character (you can buy a higher account, to have more slots if you really want but you don’t have to), and you can have all classes on that character.
Genre of Game / Films / Series:
Ie, things that make you fucking think. And are a little fucked up. Ie, think; detective and crime shows, batman noir themes, edgelord stuff, plot twists, femme fatales (girls that are edgy and might stab you), etc.
“Psychological horror usually aims to create discomfort or dread by exposing common or universal psychological and emotional vulnerabilities/fears and revealing the darker parts of the human psyche that most people may repress or deny. This idea is referred to in analytical psychology as the archetypal shadow characteristics: suspicion, distrust, self-doubt, and paranoia of others, themselves, and the world.”
There are lots of games like Bear with Me, that look cute and etc, but really fuck with your head; this is an example of a psychological game.
Psych games are not, “jump scare” games, though they both share common themes. Psych horrors usually have indepth stories, a jump scare does not have to as its aim to destabilise you is through fear. A psychological game is through your own mental thinking, that unnerves you. That shit is “spooky” rather than scary, ie, it gives you nightmares. Whereas a jump scare will just give you a shock. Both are fine but I tend to conquer the “jump scare” by just never relaxing and assuming something is always going to be there. Whereas a psych horror, if your paying attention, will get so deep in your mind it might send u crazy :P. I like that, its a challenge for me.
So themes that present in games that fit this overall category:
- “Deep” storyline.
- Deviant characters. In the mainstream, people might call them “bad people”, though of course thats a dog vs cat comparison and useless. Ie, I am a deviant person, on a lot of issues.
- Gameplay that isnt horribly boring, has a upward climb of understanding as I develop as a player, but is also explained well. Ie, depthful tooltips are a big deal for me in some games. I like “getting better” at things, so like when a game can provide me with steps to climb.
- “A little edgelord goes a long way,” may be a good summary phrase to describe my entertainment. I wont not pick it up if it isn’t dark and mysterious, but even a tad will make me cross that line and buy it. Example, “we are the heroes of good, looking to purge the world of darkness” verses “dark and light are both required, you are always someones devil and someones angel“. I dislike being painted as “too angelic” as I prefer to wander the path, “tinkering between self destruction and normality”. Lest life get too boring obviously. Super easy to be an angel… I prefer to do the hard line :P.
So thats my ‘Siren gaming’ discussion. Enjoy :).
If you want to watch videos about gaming and women: this is a playlist I made on the subject.