So, in the photos section, there is a folder called Sexy [Softcore]. To be clear, this is softcore, there is no hardcore porn for the open public online. I like to think that I save some stuff for people who actually bother to ‘put out’ with me… XD.
I take them for myself, to feel loving.
Why I take them:
When I was a teenager, MMS was just starting out and wasn’t really super prominent. I think I took one “sexy” photo as a teenager in the bath, but that is long gone by now… mostly I was in environments where it wasn’t neccessary for me to do that anyway.
As I’ve gotten older… I can still be in those environments… but something about me changed. I started to wonder… “what made me feel beautiful”.
This is the equivalent to, “what makes me feel powerful.” That I would imagine men ask themselves at pressing crux moments in their life.
I took some time off sex and kinda… looked at myself and wondered whether I was truly happy with what I was doing with myself.
I reasoned over time that with my beauty, what actually “made me feel beautiful” was my sexualised Self. Like I felt beautiful draped in black, being seductive and swooning people. I feel my most beautiful then.
To compare; Feeling beautiful in a summer dress, feeling beautiful painting on makeup, feeling beautiful whilst cooking, feeling beautiful whilst adventuring… etc, etc. These are all cool things to be, the huge variations of where and how one feels beauty.
I look at myself and find that when I feel most loving, most “womanly”, is when I am sexualised. When I’m about to cum… when I’m naked on a bed embroiled with someone who wants to engage in sexual pleasure… when I’m aggressive and using my power… etc… femme fatale beauty.
I reasoned over time… does this make me… “need” men. To feel beautiful. Because in part, one needs to have something to sexualise, like to have sex is strongly done with another person and yourself. If that makes sense? It made me feel kind of weak… that I needed to always have somewhere here or there to call if I wanted to feel lovely.
Some people can feel loved whilst amongst their friends, some people feel love whilst talking to anyone, etc… I feel loved when having sex. As my peak… someone telling me they want to fuck me, makes me feel… “loved”. I don’t know any different, and I like the way I was born :).
I struggle sometimes to understand love with sex removed. I know it exists, and I appreciate it. But say a man told me he loved me but would not have sex with me. For me, that = no love. When the sex goes away without specification of when it will return, so does my love, as that is where my love exists. To specify, say someone is going away on a business trip and will be back at x date, I will patiently wait because it will return. If someone I am dating, fails to enact sex for a few months, I feel the love has left… even if they do other things other women may find loving. For me… the sex must be present for my heart to feel connected… :).
So… this can ofc make it hard for some people. But there are many aspects to sex that do not actually involve sex. Doing anything “deeply” or “intensely” or “searching through mystery” is similar. Its that feeling when you feel you’re falling down a hole with a strong thought you might die at the end. I feel most beautiful then… thinking I might die. Similarly, this is the “cumming” feeling. When you feel your body is about to die/cum… quite complicated to describe XD.
So… I started playing around with ways to feel sexual, without specifically having to have people there. Photography was one of the things that came up for me… and ofc, I now dabble heavily in masterbation, all the variances and differences in cum variations of intensity, things like edging, etc…
So that’s pretty much the story.
Pro: Guys get some benefit. The short term benefit of another image to add to a collection I guess, but sexual frustration through lack of touch…
Con: Still a taboo and its not something, that some people believe is acceptible. And thats okay… the “you do you” meme is a thing here.